Louise

The day I lost Louise was on October 7th, 2011. I remember my cousin Kinya calling me at two thirty in the morning. I was waiting for the call.. Before I answered I remember taking a deep breath, as If I was waiting to hear that Louise had woken up and and was back to her old self. But instead I took a deep breath and said hello. Kinya called my name, her voice trembled scared and shaken. I could hear crying in the background.
-Le'Le'?
-She's gone isn't she?
Kinya let out a slow moan, that allowed her tremble to set free.
-Yeah, she just passed. you okay?
Kinya was afraid of my answer.
-Yeah, I'm okay....you?
-Yeah.
We hung up the phone after saying things I can't remember. I laid the phone beside me, and covered myself back up with my blankets. I closed my eyes really tight, praying that I was dreaming. But I knew I wasn't. I turned over on my side just to feel a small breeze hit my face. I smelled a fragrance of something familiar, something warm and sweet, something gentle and loving. I kept breathing in the air, as to take in as much as I could. In my last breathe I broke down and wept. I had just lost my best friend,  The woman who had raised me as her own child was now dead. How could this be?
Ever since I was a child I had prepared my self for this day. I use to come home from school and prepare myself to find her in the bed asleep and when I would have tried to awaken her she would be dead. Or I would imagine finding her laid out on the floor or in her tub. But she was two hours away. I had just left her bed side earlier that day I kissed her check, and wispherd in her ear that I loved her. When I left she was breathing on her own, now she wasn't breathing at all. She was lifeless laying in a bed with her children and grandchildren weeping over her . She would soon be covered up with a white sheet and taken down to the morgue where her body would wait for the funeral home to pick her up. She then would be taken to a funeral home laid out on a table where they would flush out her bodily fluids and inject her with chemicals to make her body last until we said goodbye. Louise was lifeless.
On the day of her viewing she laid there stiff as a board. Her glasses planted upon her face as if she could see. She was dressed in gold, fitted for a queen. Her chest where her heart once beatted was hard as cement, and her hands, Her hands that wiped away many of  my tears were now frozen. no one was there to hold me. I tried to stay strong for my mother and aunt Mary, but my heart wouldn't let me. My cries would turn into moans and sobbing,my legs were weak and lips would tremble. Her casket was white and the church was packed. I wanted to scream and run through the pews saying Louise, Louise, wake up! wake up! She use to wake me up in the mornings with breakfast cooked. I would already be awake, I would hear her limp foot steps coming towards the door when she would peak her head in saying "Laundry, I fixed you some breakfast, get up so you can eat." I would run to the bathroom wash my face and hands and my plate would be fixed with sausage, cheese grits and eggs. I would kiss her cheek and she would smile as she sat and drank her coffee and watch me eat. When I would leave to go back to Cleveland she would walk me outside and wave to me until we were out of one anothers sight. Louise was my everything, and now she's this memory I keep inside of me.Every now and then I still hear her laugh and see her smile. I hear her voice when she would call my name. I smell her cooking and feel her hugs. A large piece of me died with her.
I wonder where her spirit is, and does she miss me as much as I miss her. Does she think of me or am I a stranger to her now, maybe a familiar face but a name she can't recall. I will never forget her, I will never let my children and my grandchildren forget her. For my grandma is my first love.