 |
| I LOVE Issa Rae... She gets me |
 |
| An oldie but goodie. My friend Ahleea and myself |
 |
| Length goal!! |
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012
I Know these girls will always have my back... I LOVE them to LIFE
Freshmen year 2004
 |
| Elaine |
 |
| Carissa |
 |
Enjoli Daria knows me the best, I don't even have to say anything, she just knows. I love her for always being there no matter what! |
years of friendship<3
Elaine, my Dominican sista has had my back for the past year and a half!
Carissa is my "Kadijah James"
lol She always has the best advice and I love her St Louis
hospitality:)
Enjoli is the older sister I've always wanted. She never hides how she feels and I love how she always represents her Cincinnati style!
 |
| Daria |
 | |||||
| Shakira | Shakira is my ride or die chick! lol we've been through a lot together, laughs, cries, crazy boyfriends, deaths of loved ones. I love your Virgin Island flava. |
 |
| Sherae Sherae is my psychologist, my laugh partner I couldn't have picked a better younger sister or better friend. I can always call you... Thank you for introducing Cleveland to me. You're such a blessing in my life. |
Find someone who,
- isn’t afraid of showing you off.
- treats you with respect.
- takes care of you.
- loves you unconditionally.
- can make you laugh and smile, especially when you’re feeling down.
- isn’t scared of telling you how they really feel.
- you can trust.
- is honest and would never lie to you.
- you can love with all your heart.
- you can tough it out with, through the good and the bad.
- will always be there for you no matter what.
(Source: howdoesitfuckingfeel, via indigoshakti)
- someone who won’t give up on you.
I believe I've found him<3 Cedric
“CAN’T” Shouldn’t Be An Option For Dark Skinned Girls
leaveyourfeelingsatthedoor:
By: Eden Hansom
I used to one of those black girls who was scared to be bold when it came to my look because of what I had been told when I was younger.
I was already dark, so I “shouldn’t” want to attract anymore attention to myself. Then over the spring, I decided to step out of the box and be more bold and daring. Why not? I’ve been following these life lessons and one really stuck out to me:
Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
And so I did. It never really occurred to me that bright colors look more appealing on my dark skin because it provided the backdrop to really make colors POP! The minute I stopped caring what other people would think and most importantly, STOPPED believing what I couldn’t do or wear, the more I started to willingly experiment. And more I started to experiment, THE MORE comfortable I became in my skin. I thought I was always confident about my look but fully allowing myself to be free has not only been satisfying but a wake up call that “can’t” should NEVER be in my vocabulary again. Especially when it has something to do with my how I see myself.
This dark girl CAN wear what she wants….and look GOOD doing it too!
Orange Lip & Lids
Nude Pink Lip w/ Purple & Orange Lids
Dark Purple Lip & Orange Lid
Nude Lip & Teal Lid
Big Red
Dark girls YOU CAN wear what you want and look fabulous doing it! Don’t let anyone tell you different. Play up your skin. Chocolate isn’t the only color that looks great on you too!
I needed this because believe it or not some days I feel indifferent about my complexion.
I LOVE THIS!!!! I totally agree <3
Words never used to describe Black women:
sourcedumal:Lets add those to our vocabulary on a regular basis, shall we?
- Dainty
- Delicate
- Elegant
- Poised
- Fragile
- Genteel
- Graceful
Thursday, October 25, 2012
A stranger I must call father
July 2010 was the first time I've seen my father since I was in the fourth grade. He was coming to visit his family in Columbus, and asked if he could drive to Cleveland to see me. I said yes, not really believing he would come. Like so many other promises broken throughout my twenty-six years of living, his words meant absolutely nothing. The day came, and my father called me to tell me he was on his way. I gave him directions and he expressed how he couldn't wait to see me. Enthused I said "me too" hoping he couldn't hear the fakeness seep through my lips. I cleaned and re cleaned my apartment about one hundred times, and picked out an outfit that I thought would look best. Believe it or not, I wandered if he would think I was beautiful. Of course all fathers think their little girl is the most prettiest girl around.However, This man was a stranger who I must refer to as my father. He was nothing more than a man I pass by in the street, not because I don't love him, but because we know nothing about each other.
Honestly, I don't know if I love him, I feel nothing for him...my heart has always had a place waiting for him..but it was never filled up to the brim. To explain it better I miss my father, I want my father in my life, but I don't really think he wants to be. I think he's given up and has moved on to the next daughter of his, for she is the "apple" of his eye. While I feel like a mistake, a mistake he had at eighteen when he married my mother right out of high school. My mother says they were married one year, had me the next and shortly after they divorced. She wont go into further details. My mom wont say it, but I think shes still hurt and not over it.
My father calls to say he's outside, and the my stomach is in knots. I haven't seen this man since I was nine years old. On the elevator I think of ways I should greet him. Do I hug him, wave or give him handshake?
Walking towards the parking lot I see my cousin Tony who I love dearly and beside him are two children and skinny tall boy with glasses and a girl with eyes so big I recognize them. My cousin waves and the children run towards me. Le'Andra! they yell smiling from ear to ear.They hug me but I'm not sure who they are, but the girls eyes revel all to me. My father comes out of a blue caravan. He's tall yet husky, and his skin has been kissed by the Georgia sun. He wears glasses and shows a gap when he smiles.His hair is full of silver and black curls, and his facial hair is cut medium low.
I recognize this man, He is my twin. Those eyes that I have I seen in my father, the same ones I see in the little girl.
-Le'Andra, this is your brother Christopher, and your sister Christina.
Christopher and Christina look to be around the ten and eight. They hold both his hands as I lead them to the doorway of my building. They have "regular" conversation with my father, they call him "Dad" while I simply address him as Jeff. They walk into my apartment and is amazed at how high they are. They look over the balcony and see the lake and call it the largest back yard swimming pool ever. I laugh at their innocence. The kids try to get my cat Breezy to come from underneath the bed while my father and I converse.
-Le'Andra, you've done really well for yourself.
-thank you.
I smile and look down. For some reason its hard to look him in the face. For he might see the scared little girl he abandoned come through. He continues.
-Le'Andra, you know Ive waited a really long time for this.
-What made you come to Ohio?
-To see the family, you know your uncle and aunts. I just wish Charmaine could have come along. While I was in Columbus I thought I could see you.
-Well I'm glad you came. It was nice to meet Christopher and Christina.
-Yes it was. You know, your brother is a sports fanatic, him and I battle over the Lakers and the Celtics all the time. At church they call him "little minister" because the church members see great things in his future. Christina, well your sister is going to be a ballet dancer, she is already preparing herself for Julliard. You should see her dance Le'Andra and she sings too.Christina is my rock, when I've had a bad day I can come home and your sister sits and listens to me and tells me "daddy everything is going to be okay." They truly are a blessing.
I was heartbroken. My father knew noting about my life, hes never been to any school concerts, plays,graduations,dances. My father has never given me the chance to be a blessing in his life. I found my self jealous of Christina, for she already had what I always wanted, and still long for. She told me about their family trips to the Caribbean, while I've never been out of the country. She tells me what she cooks for him, and how they go to Savannah every summer, she calls him daddy while I call him Jeff.
My father suggests I should join their family vacations to the islands when I get my money together. I smile slightly and said I'll think about it. My father is now ready to eat, so he takes us to Denny's. At the table their reminiscing and telling jokes. When lunch is over, we walk to the car and my father grabs my hand.. I feel nothing...there is no bond between him and I.
-Le'Andra I really enjoyed this day with you. we must do this again.
I smile and agree, we drive back to my apartment. they drop me off and head back down to Columbus. My father spent three hours with me that day. Three hours and I haven't seen him in sixteen years. How do yo think that made me feel? I came back to my apartment and cried. Once when I tried explaining to my father how I feel, he said I can't blame him for everything., that I had played a part in communication, and that my mother wouldn't allow him to see me. When I confronted my mother on this she told me that his mom use to call him and tell him to come see me. His mother had to tell him to go see his daughter. My father no longer wants to discuss the past with me. he told me to either take it from the present or not take it any further. I decided not to choose. It hurt me that I had to make a choice in the first place. in many ways my father is older than me by age, in many ways I'm older than him in maturity. No one in hell would ever keep me from seeing my child without me causing hell to exhaust all possibilities. But then again I'm Le'Andra and not Jeff.
I wish my father could see what I see. I wish my father would give me relationship advice, and interrogate my boyfriend. I wish my father take me on a date,just him and I and we could recall old memories. I wish I could spend holidays and him, or call him when my car has a flat. Maybe one day the stranger I call my father can be once called "dad". Until then I'll keep waiting on Jeff.
The Six Brown Chicks Form a New Circle of Trust - Iyanla: Fix My Life - ...
“When you need to be loved, you take love wherever you can find it. When you are desperate to be loved, feel love, know love, you seek out what you think love should look like. When you find love, or what you think love is, you will lie, kill, and steal to keep it. But learning about real love comes from within. It cannot be given. It cannot be taken away. It grows from your sense of self. It grows from your ability to re-create within yourself, and for yourself, the essence of loving experiences you have had in your life. When you have not had loving experiences, or when you do not have a sense of self, the true essence of love eludes you. Instead, you hold onto, reach out to, and find yourself embroiled in, your mistaken beliefs about yourself and love.”
- Iyanla Vanzant
~This has touched me on some many levels<3
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Louise
-Le'Le'?
-She's gone isn't she?
Kinya let out a slow moan, that allowed her tremble to set free.
-Yeah, she just passed. you okay?
Kinya was afraid of my answer.
-Yeah, I'm okay....you?
-Yeah.
We hung up the phone after saying things I can't remember. I laid the phone beside me, and covered myself back up with my blankets. I closed my eyes really tight, praying that I was dreaming. But I knew I wasn't. I turned over on my side just to feel a small breeze hit my face. I smelled a fragrance of something familiar, something warm and sweet, something gentle and loving. I kept breathing in the air, as to take in as much as I could. In my last breathe I broke down and wept. I had just lost my best friend, The woman who had raised me as her own child was now dead. How could this be?
Ever since I was a child I had prepared my self for this day. I use to come home from school and prepare myself to find her in the bed asleep and when I would have tried to awaken her she would be dead. Or I would imagine finding her laid out on the floor or in her tub. But she was two hours away. I had just left her bed side earlier that day I kissed her check, and wispherd in her ear that I loved her. When I left she was breathing on her own, now she wasn't breathing at all. She was lifeless laying in a bed with her children and grandchildren weeping over her . She would soon be covered up with a white sheet and taken down to the morgue where her body would wait for the funeral home to pick her up. She then would be taken to a funeral home laid out on a table where they would flush out her bodily fluids and inject her with chemicals to make her body last until we said goodbye. Louise was lifeless.
On the day of her viewing she laid there stiff as a board. Her glasses planted upon her face as if she could see. She was dressed in gold, fitted for a queen. Her chest where her heart once beatted was hard as cement, and her hands, Her hands that wiped away many of my tears were now frozen. no one was there to hold me. I tried to stay strong for my mother and aunt Mary, but my heart wouldn't let me. My cries would turn into moans and sobbing,my legs were weak and lips would tremble. Her casket was white and the church was packed. I wanted to scream and run through the pews saying Louise, Louise, wake up! wake up! She use to wake me up in the mornings with breakfast cooked. I would already be awake, I would hear her limp foot steps coming towards the door when she would peak her head in saying "Laundry, I fixed you some breakfast, get up so you can eat." I would run to the bathroom wash my face and hands and my plate would be fixed with sausage, cheese grits and eggs. I would kiss her cheek and she would smile as she sat and drank her coffee and watch me eat. When I would leave to go back to Cleveland she would walk me outside and wave to me until we were out of one anothers sight. Louise was my everything, and now she's this memory I keep inside of me.Every now and then I still hear her laugh and see her smile. I hear her voice when she would call my name. I smell her cooking and feel her hugs. A large piece of me died with her.
I wonder where her spirit is, and does she miss me as much as I miss her. Does she think of me or am I a stranger to her now, maybe a familiar face but a name she can't recall. I will never forget her, I will never let my children and my grandchildren forget her. For my grandma is my first love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)