Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Sometimes I wonder what I am I fighting so hard for to keep this relationship? Why do I take everything he says to heart?. Why do I keep putting myself through the same heart break? Why am I begging for him to stay? Everything is my fault...he can never admit to anything being his. I'm misunderstood and the way he sometimes speaks to me breaks my heart into a million pieces that immediately tears flow. I am disgusted with myself. Every since being in Cleveland I've done nothing but put my heart through heartbreak. I've been told I was nothing more than a bitch. Ive been strangled and thrown against walls and flipped on concrete. I've been cheated on because I care more with my heart than what makes me a woman between my legs. I've been laughed at and forgotten about. I've had my words twisted and tossed back at me where I would be apologizing for something they did. And yet still questioning "do you still want to be with me?" If I was him I would say no. Who wants to be with someone so bad that they lower their self worth and pride? What have I done to myself?? I'm fighting for something that is dead. I shouldn't have to fight for a relationship ALONE. Love is clearly not enough...especially If I cannot love myself enough to walk away from what is killing me inside. I can't afford to do this again. I have to let go I have to let go...I am going to let go.
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| Briana McCarthy |
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
My LOVE for Ibrahim Baaith
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| This is his HOUSE!! |
So I have had THE biggest crush on Ibrahim Baaith. I first noticed him on a show called "Model City" on the television network Centric. From then until now I have been loving the work of the BRILLIANT man.
Ibrahim is a model and an Artist...that's what I love most about him.. yes love not lust lol. He's originally from Philly but lives in my favorite place in the world, Brooklyn. I will be posting some of his work from time to time. Hopefully one day I will meet him and he will think I'm just as dope as him (daydreams)<3
Sunday, November 25, 2012
DIY Beauty: nail growth, teeth whitening, dark elbows/knees & more.
I love heyfranhey She has a great blog!! I myself has been doing the Oil pulling method and I love it! Thanks Fran!!
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
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| Briana McCarthy |
VENTING: I Wish I didn't care sometimes. I wish I could be emotionally detached as easily as others..but I'm not. I over think things and I cry easily. I like talking things out..I don't like going to bed mad.I hate being alone, I mean I like my space at times but I hate being alone, and I'm alone 99 percent of the time. Maybe Cleveland isn't for me anymore. Maybe I should just go back to Columbus but then I really wouldn't be happy. I'm in a relationship but I feel alone, and maybe its my fault I feel that way. Sometimes I feel as though no one would care if I was here or not. He doesn't get me. He doesn't trust me and that hurts. How can you survive without trust? Now I don't trust him. I feel caged, my apartment feels like a prison cell and I can't escape. I've cried more than I've laughed this year. I miss laughing truly. i hide my sadness behind my laughter. i feel lost, I don't know what my purpose is. I feel like he's not happy with me. I miss my grandma. Grandma is one of the reason I don't wanna move back to Columbus. I feel homeless, because I don't really fit in anywhere. I wish I was close to my family..they don't know me really. I wish I didn't care that the cousin I admired the most is now dating my first love.. and they have no regard for my feelings.(that's what hurts most) I wish he would spend more time with me, he has to work and I get it..I wish he was more affectionate,but I guess he wishes I was more aggressive...maybe hes cheating on me. I wish I could be a nurse and have a husband and kids and be comfortable, I wish I wasn't the only child..I hate being alone, I feel trapped inside my four walls.I wonder if my grandma remembers me...I wonder if her spirit ever comes around me. I wonder will I go to heaven. I feel lost. I hate that I'm too nice. I wish I could cook for him and make him happy. I wish he was in love with me like when we first met. i wish he would tell me he misses me. I wish he could see how brilliant he is, I wish he could see how my heart aches for him, how i light up when he does call and when he does tell me he loves me...I wish he would tell me he loved me more. I wish I could love myself. I feel lost<3
Monday, November 19, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012
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